My story with chronic symptoms actually began much earlier than I thought it had, when I used to experience severe heartburn episodes as a child followed by daily tension headaches later in my university years - all manifestations of what Dr John Sarno calls Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS) (you can read more about Dr Sarno and TMS in following Blog entries) that moved from a location to another since I was not addressing the root cause of my symptoms. But the symptoms that actually stuck, due to the high amount of fear and anger that was associated with it, and because of healthcare professionals treating everything but the cause, was in the form of myofascial pain syndrome in the jaw, facial and neck muscles. It started when I was 22 years old with a sudden ear pain, which upon investigation, I was told the source of it was my jaw and not my ear itself. This was followed by a repetitively locked jaw and sore jaw muscles, and unexplained gums and teeth pain that was dull most of the time and throbbing at other times. This daily jaw tension would not only radiate to my gums and teeth but also to my head and ears.
While I was jumping from one doctor to another, from one dentist to another, from one physiotherapist to another, and from one alternative medicine practitioner to another, I became increasingly frustrated and desperate. For the first few years, I did not receive an "accurate" diagnosis. Eventually, I diagnosed myself with myofascial pain syndrome after watching a YouTube video that explained the differences between myofascial pain syndrome in the jaw area and Temporomandibular Disorder (TMD). Most professionals thought I had TMD, but it didn't make much sense to me because I didn't have typical TMD findings such as jaw popping or any abnormalities in the joint, nor did I show any abnormalities in all diagnostic tests. However, before and even after that, I gave every healthcare professional the benefit of the doubt when they wanted to address what they believed was the problem. Most of the time, their approaches did not alleviate my pain; perhaps they focused on what they knew, what they thought needed fixing, and what they typically did. I truly tried everything—except surgery, thank God!—and the treatments I attempted included muscle relaxants, painkillers, antidepressants, anxiolytics, anti-epileptics, supplements, vitamins, various diets, Botox injections, PRP injections, acupuncture, osteopathy, dental treatments, psychotherapy, speech therapy, physiotherapy, magnetic field/infrared therapy, and energy healing. Not only did none of these treatments help, but most of the time, I didn't feel like I was genuinely listened to. I endured many unnecessary steps that wasted so much of my time, effort, and money, which only heightened my frustration, exhaustion, fear, and hopelessness.
After four years of experiencing symptoms, I was finally diagnosed with myofascial pain syndrome by a neurologist. He was the first to officially tell me about the condition, although I already suspected I had it. I visited him out of desperation to try medications I hadn't yet attempted. He attributed the cause of my condition to stress but did not offer a concrete solution. Despite my insistence on trying new medications, he humbly advised that medications were not the ultimate answer, which I appreciated. When pressed for more solutions, he simply reiterated, "you need to deal with your stress."
I had already recognized my condition as a psychosomatic one, or stress-related symptoms, after learning about it in pharmacy school. However, my education didn't provide methods to cure such conditions, only how to manage them, typically attributed to an "idiopathic cause" with stress as a contributing factor, which often fell short in alleviating symptoms.
At that time, I had already undergone psychotherapy and resolved issues as much as I could, but my pain persisted. I now understand that Dr. Sarno's approach, which integrates principles not typically taught in psychotherapy, holds crucial elements that were missing from my treatment. Despite my therapist's sincere efforts, hearing that "science hasn't yet caught up to understand and treat pains like yours" left me feeling hopeless, angry, and sad. This sentiment not only failed to relieve my pain but ironically exacerbated the pain cycle.
Interestingly, the Certified Mindbody Syndrome (TMS) Practitioner certification is recommended as a complement to psychotherapy and other healthcare professions, serving as prerequisites for certification.
Needless to say, I did all that because I do believe in doctors, in medicine and in science and I know that they genuinely all did their best to do what they can to help me. Unfortunately, we can obviously see that there is a big gap when it comes to treating psychosomatic conditions and the lack of effective solutions is REAL.
One night, as I usually did back then, I was desperately searching online for new potential therapies for myofascial pain syndrome. As I had already explored all solutions suggested by conventional and alternative sources, I started browsing basically everywhere. I came across a forum - yes, the least credible source for potential treatments - of people describing their experiences with myofascial pain syndrome. The forum was 99% full of desperate messages, which of course, increased the hopelessness, frustration, anger, sadness and fear I was already in. But, there was one message that said something in the likes of: "I FOUND THE CURE, GOOGLE DR JOHN SARNO". It still wasn't easy to get out of symptoms after just knowing about Dr Sarno, reading the books and trying some programs. Tired of relying on myself only to figure this approach out, I talked to a TMS specialist I found on the TMSwiki website. Unfortunately, she turned out to be very incompetent in teaching the approach since she was not referring to my condition as TMS but "atypical migraines" and giving diet and medication advice when she was not even allowed to. She was not basing her work on Dr Sarno's principles properly, increasing my frustration of not being able to live, eat normally, and feeling broken instead of healthy, which is not the right path to recovery.
At that point, I had given up on my professional career, not dreaming of anything I'd want to do. The pain was always there and was scaring me out of committing to anything, especially not an institution. I had even slowed down in life, did less of the things I wanted to do, questioned everything about myself and literally felt broken, unfixable and damaged forever. Even with the TMS-related information that is out there, there is a lot of aspects along with the pitfalls, the mistakes... which are not all depicted at the same place. This is why it was not easy to get out of pain after only learning about the technique, also why I value the great comprehensive course at the Mind Body Food Institute (MBFI) so much. I did find other programs that are very thorough but that's after I had enrolled in the course at the MBFI.
I cannot describe the frustration, the fear, the tiredness, the anger, the rage, the sadness, the loneliness, the hopelessness, the helplessness, related to the pain that I went through for a total of 7 years - basically almost my whole 20s, in which I also experienced a lot of grief. This was on top of a very difficult childhood, which is a common contributing factor to developing chronic pain. It has been so hard trying to feel safe, trying to choose happiness, trying to choose myself, trying to choose life, in the right and healthy way for a long time - I still struggle to do that sometimes and I will always be a work in progress. But, I can tell you one thing with strong conviction - As much as life can be difficult, challenging and unbearable, there is no reason for anyone to suffer from chronic pain or symptoms. And I am here to help you know and believe that to your very core.
These experiences made me realize that I need to, not only heal myself, but also participate in helping others heal properly. I had definitely found my purpose in life but every experience I went through was an additional confirmation that there is a big need for someone to do this, with the right information and in the right way. Thank God I had the resources to at least try to find solutions. However, I could not help thinking of others, who have to deal with the same, meaning with physical and more importantly emotional pains, and do not have the opportunity to do what I did, and find what I found, for whatever reason.
Thanks to Dr John Sarno, the speakers in the field, the whole MBFI team & colleagues, my amazing friends & most importantly my supportive family, I finally got my life back, healed from my symptoms, and I can definitely help you do the same.
